| Man... I've been thinking a lot lately. I don't really like my family. Some of the things that have happened in my past (some that even the closest of friends don't know about) are beginning to reappear in my dreams. Maybe it's all this stress from work, wearing away the wall I've built around my sanity and pleasure.
I'm currently seeing a man.. He's 22, and has a four year old daughter. She's a piggy wiggly! We took her out on a date today. I wanted to. He doesn't want me to feel like I'm babysitting, but I've only met his daughter twice, and we've been seeing each other for almost two months... She's a big part of his life, and I want in on that part, I suppose. But she's so cute.
I treated us all out to the zoo! Oh, I havn't been there in years, but it was wonderful seeing it through the eyes of a four year old. Her daddy (Jimmy) kept her on his shoulders most of the day (as it cost ten bucks for a stroller, and we forgot her stroller in the car! Bah!) but she had fun for it. She liked the monkeys, of course. And they seemed to like her. One tried to give her a bananna, but Kelsey (the little girl) just wanted to bite it. Bad Kelsey, but she was cute anyhow.
I put her hair up this mornin', as it got hot around noon and I didn't want her to get hot. So I put her hair up in pig tails. That was a terror and a half, as she screamed and cried for all she could. But once it was done, I gave her the mirror and said "Pretty Girl." Bless her, she wouldn't give me back my mirror! I believe it is still stuffed in her pull ups, in which case Kelsey can keep it. Haha.
I've had a good day, considering I quit my second job yesterday morning. Jimmy seemed pretty understanding, even if my family wasn't. He took me out to dinner last night, and we had a conversation on the milky way. Haha. How many men can you sit with and talk about the milky way with, and actually know what the fuck they're talkin' about? "Uh... it's a thing.. in space?" No, he went all through the astrological terms with me. He's trying to work more to go to college, but with Kelsey and him not having the money for a babysitter, and no family to depend on, he hasn't gotten there. He wants to be an astrologist, even though I think most of what's out there has already been explored and tore apart. When I mentioned this, he launched into this speach about rocks forming and fusing, creating new planets, stars, stars always exploding and creating new things. I was in awe for a moment, as I listened to him speak with such passion... I think I'm in like, people. Haha.
I asked Mom earlier if she'd watch Kelsey during the afternoon so Jimmy can start college this semester. He needs it, I can tell. He's becoming depressed, what all with Kelsey's mom dieing last week or so. I knew there was no love between Stephanie and Jimmy, but still... It's the other half of Kelsey, and I understand that. When I asked Mom if she'd watch her, she went into this whole monetary payment. I told her I'd pay her, but she was NOT to say anything to Jimmy about it. Just to be like "I'll watch her. No problem. No money needed, thanks. Got everything we need here." Hopefully, this will bring a light into Jimmy's life.
Jimmy and I arn't ever going to fall in love. If anything, we're just together as good friends. I have an attraction for him, yes, and he has one for me too. But we're just not compatible in our thinking, needs, and balances. But we are compatible as friends, because we act as each other's advocate, and give great advice. He's been thinking about asking this one girl out from work, that he's had this crush on forever, but he's scared that the girl will hold it against him for having Kelsey. I told him that he should ask her out, and if she didn't fall instantly in love with Kelsey, then he didn't need her in his life anyway. I don't see how anyone can shun a child so beautiful and bright as Kelsey. She learned a new word from me today! I taught her the words to Californication, an awesome song, one of my faves. So, in turn, she asks what does "californy" mean. Haha. I just told her that it was a big person's term for fun. She seemed happy with that explanation, and I think Jimmy managed to not throw up. Poor guy. He's so protective and loving of her right now... Kelsey is going to grow into a beautiful girl. Poor him. He's going to be shaving off years of his life every night after the age of 16. Haha.
I think I'm done for now.. I'm still lookin' for the perfect guy to just go out with. Jimmy is cool and all, and we get along.. But I still need that special thing that Jimmy just can't seem to give me. The search continues... |
